A Heavenly First Birthday!

Invitations, balloons, gifts, cake, and family.  That is how I pictured this weekend when I first found out I was pregnant with my first baby back in December of 2010.  August 20, 2011 was my due date for my first baby.  This weekend would have been his or her's first birthday! 

This week has been especially hard for me. I cannot seem to get my mind away from the very first ultrasound I ever had and saw our baby's heart beating so strongly.  I remember holding onto Griff's hand and smiling bigger than I had ever smiled in amazement of this beautiful and precious child that had been given to us.  I had fallen in love instantly!!!!!!!  Those ultrasound pictures are now locked away in our safe for eternal protection as they are my most precious memories of my first pregnancy.  Never did I think when I watched my baby on that screen that what was about to happen over the next 12 months would unfold as it did. 

Since then there have been a lot of days, should have been milestones, that have been hard.  But I think this weekend is one of the hardest.  I have now endured three "should have been" due dates.  Three "should have been" appointments to find out if we were having a boy or a girl.  Three "should have been" lots of things.  But this is the first "should have been" first birthday.

My children have been taken to heaven as they were three babies too perfect for this earth.  And as much as I wish I were celebrating with my son or daughter today, I can't help but know that their first birthday in heaven is quite beyond my imagination, and that makes my heart happy!! :)

Happy Birthday to my baby...you are the most beloved memory of my life!