The last year of my life has been a fierce tropical storm. I have been battling it day in and day out. For those who have been following my blog, you know that I have been battling depression and real, true, bonifide sadness. In my last post I mentioned that I have chosen to be happy. It is not something that has naturally come to me in the last year...I have had to really, really work for it. And it has not been easy. Each day I am coming to the realization that it is a choice to live every day with meaning and purpose. Tonight as I sit here typing this, I feel like I have found true happiness. And it feels so liberating. I have found the eye of the storm! The winds have slowed, the weather is calm, and the skies are bright!
I read a great excerpt from my devotional yesterday, Streams in the Desert, in reference to
Psalm 138:7-"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life". L.B. Cowman writes "Although His answer seems so long in coming and we continue to 'walk in the midst of trouble' the center of trouble is the place where He preserves us, not the place where He fails us".
The answer I have been longing for has still not been revealed to me. Why are my pregnancies failing? Why has God chosen this journey for Griff and I? Why is it not in my best interest to be a mother right now when I want it so bad? I am continuing to walk in the midst of trouble. BUT...more so than ever I have a peace. Hard to explain and difficult to understand, I feel like I have been thrown a life preserver and am not longer sinking in the storm, but gently floating through it.
God has definitely got my attention. I know that this path was given to me for a specific reason, if only to bring me to the realization that He will never fail us. No matter how rough the seas are, how high the waves are, or how much rain is falling, He is faithful. He will preserve us. He is our Sustainer. Cling to Him and you can ride through any of life's fierce storms.
Even though it has taken me so long to get to this point, I am thriving more than ever in the eye of this storm and there is no place I would rather be!