Life As I Know It

Life As I Know It

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Baby Love

I am the first person to admit that every time I would see a new post on Facebook or find out another friend was expecting I would get a pit in my stomach and feel like I was going to cry...sometimes I did.  A lot of the times I did.  The purpose of this blog is to express feelings, faith, and our journey-sometimes joyful, a lot of the times sad.  I, of all people, want to be completely sensitive to those who have been, are, or will be in my shoes whenever writing this blog.  I want you to know that I am writing this to give all the glory to God for answering our unending prayers and petitions for yet another pregnancy.  This post makes me extremely vulnerable as we are still early in the pregnancy, but I have never shared the good news before we have gotten the bad, so I felt it was time.  So many people have reached out and graciously supported us and stepped up to the plate when it would have been so much easier to just not say anything at all because it was uncomfortable. 

So here is our love story with our baby so far:

August 21st was one day after what would have been Baby Tran #1's first birthday.  As I wrote in a previous blog, that weekend was one of the hardest of my life.  So many would have, should have, could have beens.  I was feeling pretty low.  The next day I found out that we have been blessed with our fourth pregnancy-due on or right around my birthday!  Of course I called the doctor immediately and got an appointment for the next day.  The first thing we did was the HCG test.  I remember my doctor saying "you look really nervous, what's wrong?  Are you worried about the needle or the outcome?"  I could care less about the needle-I was scared to death of the outcome.  I had to repeat the blood test 2 days later to see if my levels were doubling as they should...something that has been our first stumbling block more than once.  On Friday I got the call at work that my levels had more than doubled and the nurse said everyone at the doctor's office were so excited to call me! :)  I broke down into uncontrollable tears in my maintenance supervisor's office and could not seem to pull myself together.  For most women, HCG is not something that is even tested early in pregnancy.  For those who have been in my shoes, you know that that number means the world. 

August 27th I went in to the doctor with horrific back pain...fearing the worst our prayers were answered when I found out it was a kidney infection and possible kidney stone.  Not that I wanted to endure that, but it was so much better than what was going through my head at the time.  A pregnancy-safe prescription and a few days later, I was good to go!  First hurdle down!

August 28th I had our first ultrasound.  The baby was measuring 5 weeks 3 days and a perfect gestastional sac and yolk sac were visible.  My doctor even said it was a slight possibility there were twins, although it was too early to know for sure.  (As it turns out it is a singleton!)  No hemorrages as I had had in the past.  Hurdle number two-huge check!

Morning sickness in full swing, poor Griff has to deal with cravings and mood swings, and I am always sleeping-check, check, and check!

September 11th was our second ultrasound and a crucial one at that.  This has been the time that we have received devasting news over and over, so I was a nervous wreck.  I have been keeping my ultrasound pictures tucked into my Bible right over Psalm 139-"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb".  Over and over yesterday verses came to mind, songs were on the radio, and there was a peace in my soul despite how nervous I was.  On my way to the appointment an old, beat-up work truck passed me on the freeway and I caught a glimpse of the most out of place bumper sticker...Psalm 139.  I smiled for the next several miles because I knew right then and there that God was telling me that everything was perfectly fine.  Got to the appointment and it was time...the moment of truth.  As soon as he started the ultrasound he said "I think you are going to be happy, I am sure am...".  And to Griff he said "you seeing what I'm seeing man?"  (My doctor is the coolest guy on the planet).  I couldn't see the screen laying down, so I had to wait and when he turned the screen the waterworks started.  Oh my did I cry!  Our baby has grown so much, is measuring right on target, and has a heartbeat of 157 beats per minute.  A milestone we have never reached was to hear the heartbeat.  I have often heard other women's ultrasounds going on in the exam rooms next to mine and heard their baby's heart, but never my own.  If that is not the most wonderful sound on the planet, I don't know what is!  Got our pictures printed out and couldn't stop staring at them.  While I finishing up Griff left the room and I have to admit I am a little giddy over what he told me when I came out.  All the nurses were hugging us and telling us how happy they were for us because they have been with us every step of the way.  They even told Griff we are their favorites...sorry...had to throw that out there.  :) A baby loss mama has a unique relationship with her OB office that is hard to explain, but God gave us those people for a very specific reason!

October 2nd-next ultrasound.

So as you can see God has directed every single step.  Every milestone has been met right on track.  New milestones are taking place.  He is beginning a good work and I have faith that He will see it to completion.  This is the beginning of a beautiful love story and I am so excited to meet this baby that He has made me wait so patiently for! 

               "For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him".
                                                                      ~1 Samuel 1:27~